NOT A MATTER OF CHANCE by Alexey Rola Cajilig

I went under the knife several times. Although these were considered minor surgeries, all involved putting me to sleep, thus placing my fate on doctors and my faith upon the Lord that He will guide the surgeons’ hands each time.

During these moments, I prayed for another chance to live. So practically speaking, God already gave me quite a few free passes in life. Yet my mind also entertained the chilling thought of death no matter how I cling to the hope of an extended life.

For some reasons, the operating room does not offer solace at any level. It is cold, filled with bright, blinding lights, and with people you can’t recognize who kept talking nonchalantly as if you’re not there.

During those brief moments before I blacked-out, I knew I had a fifty percent probability of survival, and that there was hope that God will grant my request of complete healing by one hundred percent. So just before I dozed-off to dreamland or eternity, at least I was sure of one thing—that on average, I had a seventy five percent chance of making it alive. Good enough?

But that’s not an accurate computation! God’s grace is absolute and cannot be measured in terms of percentages nor batting averages, for the Lord said, “I will give mercy to whom I give mercy.” Faith is not a game of chance but a matter of the heart. Jesus said, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can tell this mountain to ‘move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” The apostle Paul defined faith as the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things unseen.” And that’s why Jesus reminded us that “When we pray, believe that you have received it.”

A strong faith in God emanates from a heart filled with a firm belief of God’s overflowing love, strengthened with continued and sustained renewing of the mind. Always reminding yourself that our Lord’s love and mercy is unceasing, not just in the stories in the Bible and in other people’s lives, but most especially in yours.

I learned to surrender in peace to God’s Will each time. Ultimately, it was up to the Lord if I should still stay in the world and wake up with joy seeing my wife lovingly welcome my arrival in our hospital room, or be awakened with joy in the presence of the saints and angels, as we glorify God in heaven. Both scenario is filled with joy! I guess that’s what “To live is Christ and to die is gain” is meant.

During those instances, I had no control over what’s about to happen. All I can do is to be still and know that He is God. It was in those moments that one realizes that in life, we really had no control over our future. Indeed, Proverbs 19:21 is spot on—“Many are the plans of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” We need to accept that God is in full control. However, we still have a choice whether to doubt His love or to have complete faith in Him. These experiences magnified my faith in Christ each time.

Yet some may argue that my fate was actually in the hands of medical professionals whenever I was under the knife. Well, it definitely eased my mind knowing that my doctors were immensely blessed with impressive skills and expertise in surgery. But that’s exactly why I bless the Lord even more. It was God who bestowed such wisdom to the medical team, and it was Him who caused us to engage with them, and it was surely by God’s guidance that their minds, hands and technologies worked with precision during my operations. It was by God’s divine providence that I emerged alive every time. Only by God’s loving grace. Praise the Lord!